Dating Pitfalls #3 – Appearing to be Something You Aren’t
December 16, 2022 by admin
Filed under Dating Tips
There is a natural tendency for people entering a new relationship to try and make themselves appear to be something more than they believe themselves to be. The thought process behind this is fairly rational, up to a point. The attitude that many people have goes something like the following: “He/she cannot possibly be interested in me for who I am. I’m too boring – I need to appear more interesting.”. Although this is a perfectly common rationale, it misses one key point – he or she clearly is interested. Any pretence is unnecessary. If you want to be more interesting, it needs to be a decision made for you. Only then can you fully commit to it and do it properly.
The problem with artifice and pretence is that they require a lot of work in order to be convincing. Honesty really is the best policy and not only because it is morally the right thing, but also because honesty is the natural thing. Telling the truth relies only on remembering what you have done. Lying relies on remembering what you have said, without the concrete memories to back it up. Sooner or later, you forget what lies you have told and you trip yourself up.
Being honest is rewarded with trust. If you tell a lie and are caught out, you lose a bit of trust, and once that goes it almost never returns. If you are later suspected of having done something of which you are truly innocent, your previous lie will work against your partner believing you. So even if it is only because of how it may come back to haunt you, be honest and be yourself.
Dating Pitfalls #2 – Coming on too Strong
April 26, 2022 by admin
Filed under Dating Tips
There is little doubt that a new relationship can put a spring in your step. Just knowing that someone considers you to be worth spending time with, and that they are someone you would be happy with, makes a big difference. There are also drawbacks to this feeling. It is all to easy to fall quickly and deeply for someone, and it is not uncommon for people’s work to be affected because they spend any time that they have apart from their new love thinking about them. At its worst, it can lead to paranoia about the relationship ending suddenly.
Although it is completely normal to become smitten with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, it is important to proceed with caution. The temptation may be to call them a few times a day, give them gifts whenever you see them and write to them when you are neither with them or talking to them – love can easily be that powerful. However, it is important to be conscious that appearing too keen can spook someone. They may feel that they have to live up to an impossible impression, or that you want something more than they do – or just that you are getting too involved too quickly.
If you have to make a conscious effort to find other things to do with your time, then that is what you must do. Placing undue pressure on a relationship does no good – it needs time and space to grow healthily. Though this may be difficult to keep to, you need to give yourself the best chance of making things work.
Dating Pitfalls #1: The case of the ex
March 26, 2022 by admin
Filed under Dating Tips
When embarking on a dating relationship with someone new, it is important to be aware of the ways that things can go wrong, and to avoid these as far as possible. The unavoidable fact is that many times, a new relationship can follow on the footsteps – for you or for the person you are dating – of a relationship which ended recently. This raises the very difficult question of how to deal with the ex. The end of a relationship invariably generates strong feelings, and it is how these feelings are dealt with that can make or break a new relationship.
For the person who is coming off a broken relationship, the range of possible feelings is extremely variable. It may be that you (or the person you are dating) still have feelings for the ex, especially if it was they that broke it off. The question of whether someone in such a situation should be dating at all is a tough one. It can help in getting over the old relationship, or it can complicate the new one. Additionally, there is the question of bitterness. If a person recently out of a relationship talks in a bitter, even insulting manner about an ex, it will invariably raise the question “Will they talk about me like that if we don’t work?”.
It is important that there is honesty in any relationship. Without it, a relationship will wither and die on the vine. Confront any old feelings before going any further, and you have a chance. Letting them fester will just ruin anything good that you could have.